How can i make this poem better?

Winter Death


How beautiful is the fallen snow.


The flowers are dying and our


Rivers are freezing,


No more birds chirping their


Beautiful songs of life,


Now theirs no more sun,


Winter has killed everything.

How can i make this poem better?
How beautiful!


Snow on the branches.


Pond's frozen--


Laughing, fun.





But listen...


Birds are not singing.


Look! Flowers are not living


In the peanut sun.





Shiver...a killer's been here.
Reply:Don't worry too much about big words, just try to come up with original thoughts or a different perspective to approach.
Reply:FIRST TRY SPELLING "THEIRS" AS THERE'S...no more sun. THE Rivers are freezing sounds better than our...it makes it flow better and doesn't put the river in any one place... it could be the reader's river...making it more personal. Winter does kill but I would "soften" it by saying, "Winter has put all to sleep...awaiting Spring to awaken once more. Hence, hope springs eternal!
Reply:i think the whole poem is kind of blunt and unmoving. really i would rather try to split cinder blocks with my toes than read it again. if you're going to write a dark/morbid poem, that's one thing...you can do that. but make sure you do it right.





its too short and choppy. you need to liven and excite the reader by using descriptive words and 100 dollar words as opposed to 50 cent words.