Sins Of Innocence (poem by me - opinions please. )?

My hot red blood pouring onto my cold white, snow skin.


My innocent skin absorbing and exposing the sins inside.


So much blood taking over me from the outside in.


As I watch the impurity pour out over me…


…I feel… distant.


Happy almost.


For once I feel whole.


The deepness of my wounds exposing my soul,


Setting me free… for that brief moment.


I feel the blade slice through my soft snow skin,


As delicately as an ice-skater, skating on the thinnest of ice.


And then I am home… I am me again.


And then the pain stops and I am no longer me.


I am locked inside myself, until again I myself and my sins are free.


My hot red blood pouring onto my cold white, snow skin. Once again,


I am free, and nobody can touch me,


I am invincible, and nobody cares,


I am alone, but I can’t feel it.


I just feel… like the first flower of spring,


Like the first clap of thunder, like the first lightening bolt,


The freshness and the excitement.


The power of my anger. My sins.

Sins Of Innocence (poem by me - opinions please. )?
wow it goes some way to understand why some people self harm and the release they feel .bravo for putting it down on paper
Reply:it is very good and another self harmer will feel just what you describe in your poem, you can get help
Reply:Sorry but it's a little to repetitive for me.


My hot red blood pouring onto my cold white, snow SKIN


My innocent SKIN absorbing and exposing the sins inside.





Use a different word, like flesh, hide, person, extermities etc.





As delicately as an ICE-skater, skating on the thinnest of ICE.





If you are going to clarify that he will be skating on ice than you don't have to say ice-skater.
Reply:ARE YOU AN EMO
Reply:Like the strong imagery and the contrast between the blood and snow, but I think it's slightly too long- you could end it after 'once again'
Reply:GOOD poem.. however, i feel as though it is very scary and detailed. BUT VERY HEART FELT!
Reply:Harm is bad. There is nothing positive about it. Please see an health professional. Take the poem with you.
Reply:Sorry its just confusing if you were invincible we would all have to care
Reply:Excellant poem


such things described in here


blood, snow, sin,


then a season is mentioned like Spring


flowers,


thunderstorms because of the thunder and


the lightning.
Reply:Very powerful mate - you sound like you are speaking from some really awful experiences...........





Hope this works as a sort of therapy to help you - well done!





Ema
Reply:It is a good raw, unworked poem, obviously you were looking to express feeling more so than concerned with the actual style of your writing. I am sure you will read back on this one day and remember your exact feelings whilst writing it.





Well done