What do you think of my story? I need a title too. Tell me what you think.?

Cordovia was walking through her uncle's beautiful flower garden. Suddenly, her uncle rushes out of his beautiful house and hurried towards her.





"Your father's soldiers are coming! You must go! Run! Hide! Just don't let them catch you!" he huffed as he handed Cordovia her suitcase.


"Where am I supposed to go?"


"Anywhere but here!"


"B-but, Uncle-"


"Leave! NOW!"





Cordovia hurredly mounted her mare and galloped into the woods...





Shortly after Cordovia had galloped off into the woods the soldiers caught her and brough her to her father's palace. When she got there her father didn't look or speak to her, not that she was expecting any different. hermother had often told her that her father was a cruel unjust leader and a lousy dad. When Cordovia was born, her father held her for a few brief seconds but hurredly passed her back to the midwife as he rushed off too take some poor farmer's field for his dungeon.


Her mother said that he would never be like his father, the previous king. One of her father's spies had overheard her mother... Well, let's just say he wasn't too happy. She was taken away in the night and no one ever heard from her again. Cor assumed the worst. She had neverforgiven her father for it, she diubted that she ever would.





She remained quiet as Darius, her father's right hand man, led her to her room. He pushed back the giant wood doors and motioned for her to go in. No madams, please, or anything at all escaped his lips. Cordovia entered the room and Darius slammed the door behind her. She walked over to the bed and to her surprise, there was a boy about her age lying on it.





"Ahem," Cor cleared her throat


"Go AWAY, Darius," came the muffled reply.


"He's not here," Cordovia said sitting down on the edge of the bed. The boy carefully pulled himself up from the pillow.


"Who are you?" he asked.


"I-My name's Cor-"


"Cordovia!" he exclaimed. "I'm Savas"


"Yeah, how do you know who I am?"


"I overheard Darius tell the soldiers to ex-look for you,"


"Execute?" Cordovia screamed.


"SHHH! Yes, but I convinced them to put you in my charge, and because of that I had to face Mordred."


"You mean father?"


"Yes, but do not call him that,"


"Why not? He is our father after all."


"You'll learn, now I'm going to bed,"


"Is this your room?"


"No, it's yours, I just hide from Mordred's minion here,"


"D-"


"Yes, now if you are smart you'll sleep while Mordred rides,"


"Thank you" Cordovia walked him to the door. She watched him go down the hallway and then curled up in her bed to sleep.








The next morning Cordovia awoke in horror to Mordred's monstrous yells and someone's desperate screams. The screams grew louder as Cor grew closer. She turned into another hallway where she saw Mordred, two soldiers, and, to her absolute horror Savas.





"STOP IT!" Cordovia screamed at the top of her lungs. She remembered what her uncle had taught her which was to remain calm no matter how terrible the situation. Mordred's fiery eyes looked up at Cordovia, along with the stern eyes of the soldiers. They all stood there with no sound other than an occasional breath from Savas. The soldiers held Savas' arms and looked simultaneously at Mordred. He nodded and the soldiers immediately released Savas' arms as they rushed up the stairs to Cordovia. Savas collapsed on the floor, he was struggling to breathe. Cor raced down the stairs to her half-brother. She knelt at his head and helped him to his feet. Savas stood barely, but didn't speak. Mordred flew into a rage.


"Who are you, peasant, and what is your business here?"


"I'm n-" Cordovia started her eyes daring Mordred to come a step closer.


"She's one of the maid's daughters," gasped Savas as he continued struggling for breath.


"I'm the daughter of Euthalia. Your daughter."


"Cordovia!" Mordred glared and raised his whip. He brought it down hard on Cordovia's left shoulder. That one gruesome blow sent Cordovia crashing to the cold, black, marble floor of the palace.


"Leave her alone," growled Savas.


"I'm finished with her for now, but you are another story," Mordred yelled as he motioned for more guards to hold the poor boy. Cordovia rose to leave but a soldier grabbed her arm and force her to watch the nightmarish beating of her brother. The whip slashed it's fury on Savas again and again until he was nothing but a limp pile of barely breathing flesh and bones. The soldiers dropped Savas on the floor as they hurried away to follow Mordred outside.





Cordovia rushed to her brother and talked to him as she fluttered about trying to find help. Finally Darius walked into the throne room.





"Darius! Help me get him to his room," Cordovia pleaded, but all that scum did was smile his black and yellow toothed smile and walked by.


"I'll help you," said a small voice behind Cor.


Cordovia whirled around to face a red-haired maid. Together they carried Savas to his room and dressed his wounds.





"How much does Mordred do this?"


"Depends on what mood he's in, sometimes he beats the poor boy worse than this. Heaven knows how he survives," she said as she hurried away to get more water. Cordovia smoothed Savas' hair and kissed him gently on the cheek. She left her room to go find her father. She was going to teach him a thing or two about manners.





Cor ranged the halls searching for her father. She didn't find him but she did find Darius.





"Darius!" Cordovia commanded. "Where's my father?"


"Who?" Darius replied as he turned to face her.


"The king, Mordred, my father," Cor said her stern face not showing anything.


"Oh, I think he's punishing the prisoners," came Darius' quick reply.


"Stop him. Tell him he's wanted in Cordovia's room," Cordovia demanded. "GO!"


"As you wish, princess," bowed Darius as he rushed off to the dungeons.





Cordovia walked to her room and sat on her bed, awaiting her father.





"Sire, your presence is requested in Princess Cordovia's room," Darius declared.


"Why?" growled Mordred as he beat one of the prisoners.


"I do not know, sire. The Princess demanded that you come to her room immediatley,"


"I will be up in a moment," Mordred reply as he beat the prisoner a few more times and marched up the stairs.





Cordovia sat on her bed as her father burst through the door.


"HOW DARE YOU REQUEST MY PRESENCE!" bellowed Mordred as he burst through the door.


"Father, Mordred, I-I just wanted to say that-I don't want you to beat Savas, anymore," Cordovia shyly replied.


"AND WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO STOP!"


"I AM YOUR DAUGHTER AND I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT!"


"DARIUS! FETCH MY SOLDIERS AND MY WHIP!"





Mordred beat Cordovia so badly she passed out. Five days later Cordovia woke up. Savas was playing with a ball at the end of her bed.


"Cor! Thank goodness you're okay!" He said as he gave her a hug.


"Okay, Prince, don't maul her. Give her time to breathe," replied Susan, the red-haired maid who helped Cordovia move Savas.


"Savas! How's Morbid?"


"His usual beat-his-own-kids-up self,"


"Goo-er-bad"


"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" asked a brown haired woman sitting with a 11-year-old boy on her lap.


"Depends on who you are."


"It's okay, she's Mordred's wife,"


"Your mother?"


"No, Morcellus' mother. Raella"


"Morcellus?"


"Yeah, our other brother," Sabas said joyfully replied.


"Oh,"


"I-I'm Morcellus, but you can call me Moe," Morcellus said shyly.


"So...When are we getting out of here?" Cordovia said sitting up quickly. A sharp pain shot through Cordovia's back. She yelped and laid back down.


"YOU are going nowhere until we have a look at that back of yours. Morcell, Savas, would you mind fetching some flowers for Cordovia?"


"What are those for?"


"To help get rid of some of the germs in the air. Infection's our biggest worry. Now, just relax and roll over, princess,"


"Fine,"





So, Cor did as she was told. In the following days not much hapened. Mordred had taken his horse and a few soldiers on a hunting party. Darius remained in the castle at all times. Savas could tell he was waiting for Mordred to come home so he could lie about all the wrong things Savas did when he was gone.





On the third day of Mordred's absense, Cordovia's wounds started to get infected. By the eighth day, Cordovia's forehead was as hot as an iron and she was sweating like crazy.





"Moe! Get Susan!" commanded Queen Raella.


"Mmmmmm...." groaned Cordovia as she tossed in her bed.


Susan rushed into the room, clutching a few herbs and things to try to draw out the infection.





"Once she heals, we leave," Savas said sternly. His expression was dark and angry, much like his father's. This worried Raella. He was the next heir to the throne, and if he was anything like his father trouble would ensue. Savas stormed out of the room and went to find Darius.








"Darius!" Savas roared angrily. "Come out you coward!"


"Yes, little majesty," said Darius appearing out of nowhere.


"Fetch the doctor from the village, NOW!"


"Why should I?"


"Because in my father's absense, I am in charge of the palace,"


"Yes, of course, little majesty" Darius smiled his crooked, yellow and black toothed smile and hurried off to get the doctor.





What fun! Another Mordred in the family. Sire will be glad to hear this! Thoughts of the future rolled through Darius' evil mind.





Now Darius wasn't smart but he knew enough not to get in the way of Mordred or Savas when they're mad. Savas, who was more like his father than he should be, hurried back to Cordovia's room.





The doctor came quickly. He cleaned and stitched Cordovia's wounds. The infection left and Cor's wounds healed a few days after the doctor came.


Mordred returned after a twelve day absense. Darius was ecstatic with the news of Savas' terrible temper.





"Glad to see you made it back safely, Sire," Darius bowed humbly. "The eldest prince has taken a shine to following in your footsteps, your highness,"


"What do you mean?" grumbled Mordred.


"Well, the princess, had a fever and he found me and absolutely demanded that I get the doctor. He even threatened my life, sire!"


"Is that so?" Mordred said as his lightened. "Well, he might not be a total failure after all... Send him to the throneroom"


"As you wish, sire. Shall I get your whip as well?"


"No,"


"No?"


"Yes! Now go before my pleasant mood decinerates!"





Darius did as he was told but when he got to his little majesty's room no one was home. He checked Cordovia's then Morcellus'. The children were nowhere to be found!





When Darius reported this to Mordred. Mordred flew into a rage.








For six months the three kids lived in the woods and forests along the Northern Borders.





"Moe! Get more firewood, please," Cordovia called as she put the last bits of wood in the fire.


"Stop yelling! Do you want to be found?" Savas whispered.


"No, but we're miles away from civilization!"


"Maybe so, but even the trees have ears if you know what I mean,"


"Spies?"


"Yes, and the soldiers that Mordred would've sent out!"


"Oh... He'd miss us that badly?"


"No, he just wants to beat us for running off..."


"Right. I-I'm just not used to-to-"


"Torture?"


"Yeah, I grew up in Silver City. I lived with my uncle, our uncle and my mother."


"Oh, I never knew mine. Mordred killed her when I was a baby."


"I'm sorry,"


"Don't be. It's not your fault."


"Why don't you call Mordred father?"


"Because! Because.." Tears welled up in Savas' eyes. Cordovia saw how obviously painful the subject was to him so she quietly stoked the fire.


"What's Silver City like?" Moe asked.


"It's beautiful. There are gardens filled with beautiful flowers everywhere. It was always so clean and well kept,"





Cordovia told many wonderous stories of the beautiful city. The boys fell asleep listening to her tales of Silver City.





Morcellus jolted awake as a sharp pain hit his shoulder. He screamed and woke Cordovia and Savas. The three stunned children awoke stareing directly into the face of their father. Beside him stood a man chained and bruised. Savas and Morcellus didn't recognize him, but Cordovia did.


"Uncle!" she screeched.


"SILENCE!" commanded Mordred.


"Let him go!" she exclaimed histerically.


"Shh," comforted Savas as he put his arm around her. Savas glared at his father.


"Take them and follow me," commanded Mordred to his soldiers.





The soldiers' horses reared as a soldier hopped off his horse. He grabbed Morcellus and Cordovia as another soldier grabbed Savas from behind. Savas struggled for a fiew brief moments before the soldier holding him bashed him on the head with the handle of his sword. Then Moe and Cor were taken to the palace and thrown in the dark filthy dungeon.





"Uncle..." Cordovia cried in her sleep. Moe walked over to Cor's bunk and sat down.


"It's gonna be okay, Cor," he said reasuringly. "It's gonna be okay..."


The next morning the soldiers threw Savas into the cold cell. He landed in a limp heap on the rock-solid floor. Morcellus immediately moved him to the other bunk. Even though both bunks were just as hard as the floor, they weren't as cold in the morning.





"Owwww," groaned Savas as he sat up.


"Yeah, Mordred beat you up pretty good this time," Morcellus said as he sat on his bunk. "I don't have herbs or anything so I can't do anything for the pain."


"S'OK. Doesn't hurt much really," Savas lied.


"You're lying," Cor mumbled from her bunk.


"Yeah and you're depressed," Savas argued


"So-"


"Come on you three. Get up!" yelled the guard. "Mordred wants you present at the execution,"


"What execution," retorted Cordovia.


"Surprise," mumbled the guard collecting all three of the kids. He pushed them with the tip of his sword as they walked to the execution room.





When they got there Moe gasped in horror. Cordovia looked to the stand and saw two people. One was a stocky man, her uncle, the other a bruised young man with a guard at his back. Savas' eyes welled up with tears as he looked up at the young man. The young man was his brother, Haithourus, the son of his mother's first husband.


"LET HIM GO MORDRED!" screamed Cordovia. A guard knocked her to the floor.


"Leave her alone," growled Haithourus.


"SILENCE, SCUM!" demanded Darius.


"The executions will now take place, if there are any objections him or her may say them now," read the executioner.


"On what charges have you arrested this farmer," Raella demanded.


"I am not at liberty to discuss that, my queen," mumbled the executioner.


"LET HIM GO!" cried Cordovia again as multiple tears ran down both cheeks. "Please, just let him go. He's all I have left!"


"I take his place," declared the queen.


"My queen, you're aware this means death!"


"yes," Raella said fiercly as she marched towards the platform.


"I WILL NOT HAVE IT!" Mordred opposed as he grabbed his wife and pulled her away from the stand. "A treachorus wife is no good to me!"


"MOM!" cried Morcellus. It was too late. Mordred had stabbed her in the chest with his sword. Her scream echoed through the hall as Mordred withdrew his blood-stained sword. Morcellus was crying uncontrollably as he watched his mother's limp body fall to the floor. Cordovia wrapped her arms around Morcellus. Her eyes glared at her father. Smiling, he threw the sword at Cordovia's feet.


Savas dived for it.He grabbed the sword before the guard had time to think. Immediately he rushed to his brother's side. He cut the rope on both Haith and Cordovia's uncle.


"Thanks Sav," whispered Haith taking the sword from Savas.


"TRAITOR!" Mordred screamed.


"I was never loyal to you!" Savas retorted.





A fierce battle broke out between Haith and an ill-trained soldier. Haithourus easily knocked him to the floor. Cordovia drug Morcellus away from his mother's body.


"LET ME GO, COR," he screamed, but no one paid him much attention. Cor gently kissed Moe's mother on the cheek unfastened her locket.


"No, we have to go. If we stay we'll die," Cordovia said softle placing the locket around her neck.


"I DON'T CARE!"


"You will. Moe, I-I know what you're going through. Please, trust me,"








The two of them made it out safely, and rushed towards the forests. They climbed a tree and waited for Haith and Savas.





Inside, the boys were making their way to the door, fighting the ill-trained guards as they went. Finally, they made it to the door, only to find Darius was blocking thier way.





"So you return, young rebel." stated Darius.


"Yes, and if you would be so kind as to move I would highly appreciate it,"


"Never!" replied Darius.


"Then I shall use force,"


"So be it,"


"Savas leave,"


"b-But Haith,"


"Now! Find your brother and whoever he was with. Find a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes."


"no,"


"NOW!" Haith commanded striking at Darius.





Savas fled. He ran through the forest searching silently for Cordovia and Moe. Finally, as he stopped to rest he heard a feint sound coming from one of the trees.


"Psst, Sav, look up" said the voice.


"Hmm? Who said that?" Savas asked picking up his father's sword.


"Look up, you idiot!" repeated the voice.


"huh?" Savas looked up and sure enough, it was Cor. Right beside her sat Moe, his eyes red from morning for his mother.


"So, where do we go from here?" Cor asked jumping down from the tree.


"Haith said something about 'a girl with long blond hair and blue eyes'" Savas replied.


"Could she be his girlfriend?"


"No, he never said anything about any village girls before..."


"What about---"





Hoofbeats pounded through the trees. The two kids scrambled up a nearby tree. A snow-white horse slowed and stopped. A person, decidedly friendly, climbed down. It spoke a few words that the kids didn't understand. Shortly after a sharp scream pierced the midnight air. It didn't sound human or like any animal the kids had ever heard.





"Haithus!" called the person. "Haithus!"


"Is she the?" whispered Cordovia.


"Whose there?" asked the girl.


"M-me." Cor replied. "If I come down will you hurt me?"


"No," came the short reply. The girl mumbled a few more words in her strange language. A flash of light followed.





Cordovia jumped down from the tree. The girl turned to face Cordovia.





"Do you know of Haithus?"


"Y-Yeah, he helped us escape."


"You should've come down sooner. There's three of you, correct? Savas, Morcellus, and you. Am I right?"


"That's amazing! How did you know?"


"The trees told me. Are you familiar with Valour?"


"N-no."


"You're cold?"


"A l-little."


"Here." She handed Cor a wrap.


"We must go now. Savas, Morcellus, I'm a friend. You can come down. %26lt;\ /|/ [\ [\ |%26lt;"


"What did you say your name was?"


"I'm Raysonna. For now sleep, my little majesties."








When the kids awoke, they were in a place better than anything any of them had ever seen. It was a beautiful marble city surrounded by mountains. Through the city of marble was a crystal clear river. Flowers grew amongst weeping willows. One would think that it was filled with people, until you looked closer.





"\/ |\ |\ \[ %26gt;|\ |\ %26gt;%26lt; \%26gt; |/ \%26gt; \/, /|/ |/ /| /| /|/ [\ %26gt;|\ \%26lt; :\ [\ %26lt;%26gt; |/ [\ %26lt;%26gt;," greeted a black haired maid as she drew the curtains.


"Excuse me?" asked Cordovia.


"She said 'good morning, little majesties'," translated Raysonna.


"Oh...Does everyone around here speak funny?" asked Cordovia.


"Most elves, but some speak English,"


"Elves?"


"Yes, elves. I'm one, Sistine, your maid, is one as well as everyone in Valour City,"


"No offense but I thought elves didn't exist anymore."


"According to Mordred, we don't. We've worked hard to keep it that way."


"Raysonna! Why have you brought these-these |/ \%26gt; /| %26gt;%26lt; )%26gt; \[ [\%26gt;%26lt; %26lt;%26gt; here!" roared a man-er-elf walking through the door.


"/%26gt; \%26lt; /| %26lt;\ [\ %26gt;%26lt;!"


"We will talk without the little |/ \%26gt; /| %26gt;%26lt; )%26gt; \[ [\%26gt;%26lt; %26lt;%26gt;."


"What did he say?"


"Nothing."


"He said something!" shouted Savas.


"I-It was the Elfin word for 'intruder'," quietly replied Morcellus.


"How did you know?" asked Rasonna.


"M-My mother w-was-"


"Raella!" exclaimed Rasonna. "Poor little |%26lt; %26gt;%26lt; |/ \%26gt; \] [\ ..."


"Was she elfin?"


"Yes, 10 years ago Mordred's soldiers attacked Valour. The city was ravaged, and would have stayed that way if elves weren't such magicians."


"That's when he took Raella from here..." finished Savas.


"Yes, little prince. Don't worry about my father. I'm going back for Haithus, I'll be gone for a few days, so do try to be good."


"Are you leaving now?"


"Yes, farewell little majesties."


"Bye, Raysonna," Chorused the trio of highnesses.





After Raysonna dissapeared, the trio went for a walk. They were just about to enter the palace door when a guard grabbed them.





"Sir, what do we do with these?"


"Put the girl in Raysonna's spare chamber. The half-elf stays. As for Savas, lock him up"


"No!" screamed Cordovia.


"It's okay Cor." said Savas as he allowed the guards to lead him to the dungeon.


"What do we do with this one?"


"Register him, then assign him chambers in the village."


"Yes, sir,"





Meanwhile at Mordred's castle





"%26lt;\ \%26lt; |/ /| %26lt;\ )%26gt; %26lt;%26gt;!" Raysonna called. A scream came from in the castle, Raysonna knew immediately that it was Haithus. "|/ \%26gt; (| |/ %26lt;%26gt; |/ |\| /|/ [\"





Ray vanished, or so it would seem to anyone who was unaware of the magic that lurked in the woods. She entered through the open door of the prison and walked right passed the guards. A shadow lurked in her way. It was Darius, he was standing in the middle of the hall staring directly at the invisible Raysonna.





"Hello, Raysonna," greeted Darius. "(| |/ %26lt;%26gt; |/ |\| /|/ [\"


"%26lt;\ [\ /|/ /|/ |\" replied Raysonna, who was now visible. "You speak my language so fluently, [\ (| |/ /|/ |\ \%26gt; [\"


"You are too kind miss," said Darius grabbing Raysonna's arm. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm sure Sire would love to hear of your presence."


"And I should be obliged to follow, why?"


"Haithus would be very dissapointed if you didn't get to see him one last time before he dies,"


"I'll follow, but keep in mind I can vanish anytime I want,"


"I know, mistress,"











\%26lt; |\| \] \[ [\ /%26gt; \/ %26lt;\ |/ :\ \.\ /|/ %26gt;|\ \%26gt; |\ |%26lt; %26gt;| %26gt;%26lt;


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R





%26lt;%26gt; /| )%26gt; (| (} ||) |} {||


S T U V W X Y Z

What do you think of my story? I need a title too. Tell me what you think.?
its a good plotline but the start is a bit rushed and the name cordovia really bugs me... maybe make it a less unique name.
Reply:i didnt even read it because its so long but i think it is a good story because its long and u said that u were only 13years old
Reply:I thought it was alright.. I agree, it was somewhat rushed, meaning there wasn't a great amount of character development. You just kind of see the characters the whole time... you dont get too much into their personalities or thoughts. Its 90% talking.





But i guess if that's how you wanted it to be, then its perfect. =P





ps.: this isn't the first story I've seen posted up, but aren't you afraid that someone might steal your ideas? Possibly?
Reply:The story is good and all, but it is alittle rushed. I got confused in some parts. Other than that, the story is great!
Reply:wow girl shorten it a little bit and i can tell you...DAMN
Reply:That is a wonderful Story How About Mordreds Attacks

arenas