How Good is My Writing?

Every spring the groundhog awakens from its deep slumber, arises from its borough which lies beneath the freshly, blooming flowers who are slowly being unveiled as the winter snow gradually melts away and the groundhog surfaces to the crowd of eagerly awaiting bystanders automatically answering their inevitable question of “is spring upon us.” Every spring disgruntled students return to school following a brief intersession in which some act morally and others conduct themselves in a risqué manner. And as does the groundhog and student alike, every spring brings that fateful day upon us. The day that baseball fans await feverishly in which America is presented with its undeniable pastime. Every spring marks the beginning of the baseball season in which fans anticipate, hopefully for a championship, but despite the success their team may bestow upon them that year, all fans should reserve an additional spot in their heart, in their emotions for the inevitable disappointment that will ensue as the season begins. Despite their pointless optimism, their willingness to submit to the monster that is ignorance, and their conforming to naive behavior, the fans can’t control their beloved baseball athletes and are doomed to adhere to distress. Baseball, supposedly America’s pastime, disappointed us via infamy during both the Black Sox Scandal and the Mitchell Report concurrently proving that their selfish, egotistical athletes willingly place their own aspirations and greed over the fan’s trust and the game’s integrity.

How Good is My Writing?
Your diction is awkward and formal - "conduct themselves in a risqué manner"? "Doomed to adhere to distress"? It sounds like you overused a thesaurus or wrote it in a different language and ran it through a translator. It has the formality of a person whose native language is not English and the mistakes made are those that one who hasn't spoken the language all their life would make: flowers should be referred to with which, not who; there should be no comma between freshly and blooming.





The first sentence is a run-on and the first time you read it it seems like the bystanders are the ones "automatically answering". Automatically seems too mechanical a word for the natural imagery of the rest of the sentence - it's almost like you chose it simply for the alliteration with answering. If you're going for alliteration, try "...surfaces to the eagerly awaiting audience, wordlessly answering their inevitable question: 'Is Spring upon us?'"





I think you're trying to hard. Go back through it, make the diction more natural, make the sentences flow. Right now it's mechanical, formal, and awkward.





However, I think it could be VERY good with some editing, so don't give up!
Reply:Great sentence structure and excellent choice of vocabulary. Slightly wordy with long sentences, and some comma and semicolon errors.
Reply:Very interesting and good